If you’re an empath or a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) you’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the coffee mug…we cannot, will not, absolutely not trust physical chemistry between ourselves and potential romantic interests.
What is chemistry? For me, it’s that tingly feeling I get when I give someone I romantically like a hug, or I flirt with him and I say just the right thing that hits just the right note, and he and I become aware that we have an inexplicable chemistry.
Every single time, with one exception (my first love, more on him in a later post) I have only felt chemistry with disordered individuals. I mean, a deep burning passionate desire filled feeling that compels one to action.
Thankfully, it’s this strong “tell” that let’s me know that the person on the other end of this chemistry is most likely not for me to entertain. It’s almost as if now I read that tingly sensation as a fire alarm. Seriously.
When I give an attractive man a hug and I feel nothing? That’s when it’s safe. Weird, I know. But, that’s how I’ve come to realize who is normal “for me.”
I blame the selfish gene. There’s a book about it here. The book introduced the concept of “self-reproducing ideas, or memes, which (seemingly) use humans exclusively for their propagation.” As in, we’re all here for genes to reproduce and nothing else matters except the survival of the genes.
Why would nature want more empaths and narcissists to pair? I don’t have an answer for this, but perhaps the good qualities of the empath and the competition crushing nature of the narcissist is to blame?
Have you ever experienced this overpowering chemistry? Do you trust it?
The upside: At we are aware of nature’s drive to get us to reproduce and we can put some thought behind it.
Gray Rock Strategy: Ignore the next strong dose of chemistry you feel and try harder to make a connection with the guy for whom you felt some attraction, but no burning chemistry.
Homework: Give your number to three people you think you immediately have no chemistry with. Tell me how your experiment goes.