I’ve given this a lot of thought over the years and I don’t have all of my ponderings on the topic nailed down, so just go with me for a moment, if you will, while I think out loud…
I’m thinking…if you fall in love with a mask…were you:
- Falling for a personality that your imagination created? One that the narc never possessed?
- Falling for what the narc presented to you, because they sensed what you wanted to see?
- Falling for a persona the narc handcrafted after they did the field research to say that most people enjoy that particular made up personality more often?
I’m just wondering partly, because, if you reread those 3 points, it almost looks as though I’m saying “Was it your fault for being actively gullible, or was it their fault for being actively a con artist?” And I don’t know the answer to that question.
I’ll have to think on it some more…but I also wonder:
- Is the face I saw, the same one the latest victim (who appears so happy with the narc) is seeing? Or do they create different faces for different victims?
- What if…(I do realize this is far out) but what if, narcs aren’t narcs to everyone? Or what is the point of someone being a narc if you don’t see it while you’re with them?
For example, I once contacted an ex of my narc’s while we were together, right? And I was digging for clues as to whether or not my narc was a narc when he was with her. From the anecdotal evidence she provided, I could conclude that he was. So then, I did what anyone would do, I tried to make her see my point and agree with me.
Although, she saw my point, she refused to agree that he was a narc. So, does it matter? If he never showed a narc side to her and merely “symptoms” but none so drastic, then…to her he isn’t a narc.
I must confess: thinking these thoughts makes my head ache. And at the end of the day, I have to deal with what my personal reality is. If someone gives me an experience of them, then that’s what I go with. I no longer concern myself with what anyone else’s experience of them might be.
The upside: Even if you are the only person in the world to have a specific experience of a person, place, or thing, your experience is valid and does not need a co-signer.
Gray Rock Strategy: Try and brainstorm on any tell-tale signs or behaviors you may have displayed that helped the narc target you as a victim. I once read something that stated that narcs can spot potential victims by the way they walk.
Homework: Have a friend videotape you at a time you are not noticing that they are filming. Does anything about your appearance or your walk say that you may be a good potential victim?